A Very Thankful Thanksgiving

We had a great Thanksgiving with my family here! While I was waiting for them to arrive on Wednesday, I started making my first Thanksgiving item, cranberry salad. I don't have a food processor so I used my blender to chop the berries. BIG mistake! You know where this is going. I opened the lid and started pushing the berries down with a rubber spatula. I guess an air pocket formed because after about 20 seconds of this the cranberries exploded all over me! I had them caked to my face, all over my shirt, the kitchen floor and the walls. Al was in the shower so there wasn't even anyone to take a picture! Thankfully Carina is just around the corner and I was able to borrow her food processor.

The race was fantastic! The weather was perfect. It was a bit warmer than I am used to since Al & I run in the evenings, but overall it was great. Al didn't make it from work in time to run, but he was there at the finish line to cheer me on. Becky (my sister) & Jeannie ran alongside me and Dad was a good distance ahead. The girls ran like pros while I huffed and puffed after the 1 1/2 mark. :) Ever been to Cool Springs? Bakers Bridge Road is quite a hill! I was thankful for my teammates that encouraged me (I did some encouraging before I lost the ability to run and talk), and cheered me on. It was a great run and as I ran up that last hill towards the finish line I rejoiced in how far the Lord has brought me. Just like in life the run wasn't always easy, there was prayer needed and people to keep encouraging me further and that last hill didn't seem nearly as large once I got to the top.

I give God the glory for bringing me to this point. I was once a girl with asthma that was limited and God completely healed me. I used to think running more than a few feet was not worth it or too hard. I used to cheer others on while I stood on the sidelines. Not anymore! I will cherish this time as a reminder that whatever God calls me to, is not impossible with His strength and endurance. For me it was a physical race that represented what is always happening in the spiritual. I plan to race again and continue running for as long as God has me to.

Thank you Jeannie, Dad & Becky for encouraging me while I ran! Thank you Carina, Chris, Mom & Al for cheering for us as we crossed the finish line! Thank you Trish & Gina for running with us all the way in Georgia! Thank you everyone else who said a prayer on Saturday morning! 

Here are some pictures of our weekend. 1st is Al & Chris (the twins ;)) napping after too much turkey. 2nd is me and Jack watching the water show at Opryland, the 3rd is me showing off after the race, the 4th is our group of runners. Dave & Felecia friends who also ran the race, Jeannie, Al, Dad, Me, Becky

Today

I have a spot on today's date on my calendar that is whited out. Not that I expected to forget, but I also didn't want the constant reminder of what November 19th, 2008 was to be. Today was to be our due date. I expected today to be hard and it is, but it is also peaceful. I grieve today that I am not holding a new born, complaining that I am ready for a baby to come out or being told to push. Only God knows why that is not where we are today, but that is ok. I realize I don't have to let today go unnoticed. God gave us this due date for a purpose. So today we grieve, but we also celebrate what is to come. Our first baby's due date came and went last April 21st. That day I cried a little, but I also rejoiced, because I was pregnant again. Today is a bit different, but God is the same today as He was then and I can rest in the fact that He made a promise. He has bound Himself with an oath so that we, Al & Martha, who have received the promise can be perfectly sure that He would never change His mind. (Hebrews 6:17)

We had an incredible weekend in Gatlinburg. It was cold and rainy the first day, but it snowed on Sunday! It was such a fun weekend. Just as we drove into town I looked in my rearview mirror and there was a huge rainbow covering the sky. I took a few pictures from the car and Al pulled over so I could take a couple more. It was beautiful. When I uploaded them to my computer I realized it was a double rainbow! So incredible. God is awesome and His creation is unfathomable. We turned off that road and headed a new direction, looked again and there was another rainbow. Thank you Lord for your reminders in your beautiful creation.

I am still training for the 5k which is now just a week away! I am up to running 3 miles straight! Praise the Lord! Last Friday night when Al & I headed out to run I told him I wanted to push myself harder and do distance rather than time. I had really only been running in 7 minute intervals (3 miles of walking and running combos), so I thought I would be doing well to run a full mile. Well, we hit the one mile mark and I told him I could keep going. We ran 2.2 and then I took about a half block breather and went again for another mile plus some! Praise the Lord! I was so excited and Al was proud (he can do much more than 3 miles at a time). After cooling down I was walking around the house praying and thanking the Lord for getting me to this point. I realized that by me choosing to run a distance and not time, I went further. Just as I had that thought I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, Just as with your promise. If you focus on the time its hard and long. Look at the finish line and Jeremiah will be here sooner and this race will be finished well. So, as I run I am continuing to run as unto the Lord. I want to finish this race well both physically and spiritually. I shared that with Al and he encouraged me with this scripture:
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Here is a picture of the rainbow from the weekend.

I tend to have crazy dreams...

Today Jeannie and I were talking about how email has become a type of journaling for us. We save the good ones with fun stories, dreams and devotions that we want to remember. This is the case with a dream I had October 27, 2007. I had forgotten so much of it, but went back into my email and read it and cracked up again at how crazy my dreams can be. In case you weren't one who read it the first time I have posted it here for your reading enjoyment... 

My dream started I was standing in the kitchen and I was pregnant the
clock said 5am. All the sudden my water breaks and I call for Al who
runs in just as my first, (yes, 1st) baby falls out of me. He caught
the baby and wrapped it up just in time to catch the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and
5th baby. Yes, standing in my kitchen I birthed a set of quints. It
was bizarre b/c we didn't know we were having quints and I kept
thinking, that was so easy, what is the big deal? I felt great
immediately afterward, so much so I was in shock and not sure that it
really happened. Al put all the babies in the nursery, but there
wasn't room for all 5 of them so he just laid them where he could find
a flat surface. We then went to the living room to start the naming
process. We had 2 boys and 3 girls. We could NOT agree on 10 names, in
5 combinations. All this time the babies are sleeping and I didn't
even think to feed them or get them checked out at the hospital. We
decided we would get some lunch because by this time we were hungry.
We were eating burritos that we very messy and I remembered I should
call some of you and let you know we had babies. Anyway, I called and
ALL these people showed up including a bunch of people I know, but
didn't really know. Like Racheal Edwards family. It was mass chaos.
Michael Sweet (lead singer of Stryper) was there in the swimming pool
(which was in the living room). Finally I remembered these babies and
decided I should try to feed them. I took the first boy who I THINK we
decided to name Tres (AEP III), and fed him. He was a good eater I
remember thinking that, so I ate some more burrito so there would be
enough for the other 4 babies and in the process I got cheese from my
burrito all over him. I laid him back in the bed and tried to wipe the
cheese off him, but it wouldn't come off so I decided to leave it so
Jeannie could come and give him a bath (Jeannie LOVES cheese dip!) but
when she got there she was more concerned about the mess everyone was
making and she went into hostess mode and started cleaning up and
feeding all these strangers in my house. Then Cindy Wagner came and I
was so relieved b/c I needed help and my mom and sister were still on
their way here. Cindy advised that I should feed the rest of the
babies (I had forgotten about them being there) and then head to the
hospital to get us all checked out. Suddenly we were at the hospital
and my doctor was there, he was so impressed with how well I was doing
I didn't have to stay and the babies were all great but very big for
having all been in my belly (which was remarkably flat and in great
shape!). So all this made me wonder if they were really mine. Al
assured me that he was there and they had all come from me. The Dr.
recommended we call the Today Show. He thought we had a good story but
I told him I didn't want to be on TV until they all had names. He
called for us and so we had to hurry up and name them all and get
ready for TV the next day. Thankfully Jeannie was still cleaning my
house and Racheal had shown up to kick her family out. Micheal Sweet
was still in the pool but I decided that since Al was such a fan it
would be ok, but I did refuse to name one of the babies after him and
told Al he could call one of the girls "Sweetie" in honor of the
singer in our pool. At the end I suddenly remembered that Becky used
to play with some dolls called Quints and there was a fun song on the
commercial so I starter singing that to the babies and Michael Sweet
commented on my good singing. (HA HA HA!!!!) "Quints, quints 5 times
the fun, I love taking care of every one!" So then I woke up and you
can quess what song has been in my head all day. :)

Registration & Reminders

Its official! I am registered for the Turkey Day race! I am looking forward to crossing this milestone (or 3 milestone, ha ha). It will be such a fun thing to do with Becky, Dad, Jeans and Al! We will make quite a team. Anybody want to join us!? Its in Cool Springs on Thanksgiving Day. If you don't want to run, you can join our cheerleaders at the finish line.

Below is some scripture I am meditating on right now. In our daily bible reading we are in Hebrews. I love the book of Hebrews and it seems each time I read it, the truth jumps off the page at me. I love the way it is full of reminders of who God is. He is a promise keeper, He is unwavering and He is loving and cares about us. I put italics on a few of the key points that I have underlined in my journal right now. He is faithful to keep His promises! Whatever promise God has spoken to you, He will fulfill them. Get under & remain under His hand of protection and covering and choose to walk things out His way. Abide in Him. Allow His words to penetrate your heart. He will fulfill His promises and that is truth, He doesn't lie and He doesn't forget. =) What a relief! ha ha ha

Hebrews 6:13-20
13 For example, there was God’s promise to Abraham. Since there was no one greater to swear by, God took an oath in his own name, saying:
14 “I will certainly bless you,
and I will multiply your descendants beyond number.”[a]

15 Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.

16 Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. 17 God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. 18 So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. 19 This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. 20 Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek.

The Race

The reminders are everywhere, God has not forgotten me and He has not forgotten His promises. This has been a sweet weekend and those reminders keep coming via scripture, other people and His voice. I know our promise is coming and we are in the midst of the writing of God's story for us. I seem to find myself reading an encouraging note, email & blog everywhere I turn. Each time I open the word for my time with God, He whispers through a verse reminding me of our promise. Jeremiah is coming. We know this, we claim it and we cling to the hope of God. One of the most recent is,
Psalm 126:5-6 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with harvest.

I am running a 5K. Never thought I would say that, but I am. Its only 3 miles and to many that may seem like nothing, but right now it feels like God has asked me to run to Chicago. Ok, maybe not that much, but it feels far. Very far. I started to get the bug when Jeannie and Robyn trained and conquered the 1/2 Marathon. I really started to feel like the Lord was calling me to my own run. I joked about it, but it was really on my heart. I prayed about it and found out about a race on Thanksgiving Day. I just felt the assurance that this was my race. So... My sister, Becky and I have both determined to run this, our first race since elementary school, together. That makes it all the more exciting. Jeannie is running with us to cheer us on and my dad and Al are going to run as well. Running with others is always more fun! I am actually excited about the race itself, but the training is not so fun. I had really hoped that I would be pregnant and have to say, "Oh, sorry! Can't run the 5K!" But alas, God has called me to this and I feel like it is something I am to do as worship to Him. This is part of my story and I don't want to leave a page out that He has written for us. I will keep you posted on my progress. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Last night my friends gave me a birthday party. Thank you ladies! I loved it. We had a bonfire, carmel apples, popcorn balls & an outdoor movie. An old favorite cheesy 80's movie, Always. It was so much fun. Al and I feel so blessed by the relationships we have. God has truly surrounded us with men and women of a different spirit.

Rainbows

In my first post on this blog I announced that we were pregnant. But in that announcement I had written about the picture the Lord had given me. It was a rainbow and while I didn't see one in the physical, the spiritual significance was great. Al and I have a silly picture that I drew of a rainbow on our bathroom mirror. Over it we have written, Hebrews 10:23. In the cloud of it I wrote, Jeremiah 1:5. Over the past months we have clung to that reminder that our baby is the rainbow, a covenant that God has made that He does keep His promises.

Yesterday I was on the phone with my sister-in-law, Angela. She said there was a rainbow in the sky and it seemed so random because the skies were clear, there was no rain, just sunny blue skies. This morning she sent me this email:

I just wanted you to know that the rainbow I saw last night was yours!! I knew that when I saw it while on the phone with you but it was confirmed to by Christy. She is my so to speak “prayer partner.” We share each others burdens & blessings so as soon as I hung up with you I called her but she didn’t answer so I brushed it off. She called me back 30 minutes later & I told her that it was so cool that I saw a rainbow when I was talking with you on the phone. (she read your blog) She said “What time?!” I told her around 5:30-35. she said “oh my goodness Ang, I was driving down 151st toward 75 & looked up & saw the exact same rainbow & immediately thought of Martha & Al & prayed for them & thanked God for His promises for their baby!” I just wanted to remind you that God is faithful to His promises!

I forwarded the email to my sister Becky and she replied back that she had also seen the rainbow! God is so incredible. **Edited** My Dad saw the rainbow too

Today I go to the doctor to talk about our options for fertility. I am clinging to the covenant that God has made. We have a baby and he is coming.

Well I haven't posted in ages, but this week I have had a couple of different people ask me to update so here we go... This of course is nowhere near everything, but one thing is true no matter what I type or what I leave out, God has been in all of this. We are healing and while there are times it is hard for both Al and me to see pregnant women or babies and wonder why in the world it is not us, we do not feel forgotten. The Lord has been so faithful to speak to us during this time of waiting and learning. I feel like we have done lots of both. Sometimes I wonder why God didn't just ask me to read a really long book to learn all of this, but instead He has asked us to walk it all out. =) When we lost our "March" baby in May I heard the Lord say, there's another chapter. It was so not what I wanted to hear at that moment. I wanted my happy ending right then, but I know that is not how it works. If God has more refining to do in us, let it be. He knows what is best and we am submitted to that plan.

We are surrounded by family and friends who are committed to hold fast with us. Our hope is in the Lord and so we trust Him for His perfect plan. Up until about a month ago I had not felt that we were supposed to pursue any fertility testing outside of what we had done, but after lots of prayer and counsel we have determined to go forward with that. Not sure what it looks like yet, but I have a doctor's appointment coming up where we will discuss our options. I am still sorta in the dark as to what that will be, but I am ready to be educated and go forward.

This journey has not always been easy, it has not been without lots and lots of tears, but it has grown us. Our marriage is stronger, our faith is bigger and our relationship with the Lord is better than it has ever been. I know He has more for us, so we will continue to press into Him for that. If I tried to list every word He has spoken through His word, through the church, friends or in our prayer time, it would take me ages, but the main thing is, the Lord has promised us a baby, we feel that this first baby is to come from my womb, the Lord has told us we will have a boy and God has spoken the name Jeremiah to us for that boy.

The verses that I am meditating on today are, Isaiah 49:14-16
14 Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us;
the Lord has forgotten us.”
15 “Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible,
I would not forget you!
16 See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

The Lord reminded me of this verse yesterday during worship. My name, Al's name and Jeremiah's name are all written on His hand. Jesus is interceding on our behalf and it doesn't get any better than that.

Thank you for all your prayers and love, I can't wait for the day to have our promise fulfilled and for each of you to meet him. Want to know more specifics on our story or the words spoken to us? Just ask me, I love sharing our testimony.

Thank you for all your support, love and prayers over the last few days. We don't know why we lost our baby, but we know God keeps his promises. Our hearts are broken over our loss, but we know the future holds our promise.
Martha and Al

Our Story

After 8 1/2 years of marriage and 22 months of waiting we are pregnant! When we decided it was time to start a family I had fears that it wouldn't happen. I kept thinking, “Why hasn't it happened in the first 7 years we were married, even just by accident?” One Sunday morning in August of '06 I was in church and a word was spoken about trusting in the Lord. I felt the Lord ask me, “Do you trust me to fill this desire for a baby?” I answered, yes. (This seemed like the right thing to say when the Lord asks you a question) Seeing right through that He said again, “Martha, do you trust me?” I again said, yes. The Lord took me to a verse, Hebrews 10:23 "Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope without wavering for He who promised is faithful." To me this was the Lord confirming that He planned to fill this desire of my heart. I felt impressed by the Lord to go and buy a baby outfit as a reminder of a promise he would fill. That afternoon after church I went to Wal-Mart and bought a newborn sleeper. I was afraid Al would think I was nuts, (he was out of town that weekend), instead when I told him, he confirmed that he felt this was from the Lord. This baby outfit has hung somewhere in our house as a reminder of this promise ever since. Each time I look at it, I am reminded that God will fill that sleeper with His promise.

In August of '07 we finally got a positive pregnancy test. We were overjoyed with excitement. I had tested early and was shocked to see it. Unfortunately a couple days later I began to bleed and the doctor confirmed we were no longer pregnant. It was devastating, but somehow one of the best things that Al and I have walked through together. Not because it was fun or easy, but because before that pregnancy Al's desire was a baby for me, but in those few days he had become attached to the idea for himself. God used this to solidify the calling on his heart to be a father. During this hard time we were surrounded by support and prayers from friends and family and it was clear God had a plan in all of this.

Since we were at a year of trying we sought medical advice and were told there didn't seem to be any major issues keeping us getting pregnant again. Al took supplements (thanks Al for putting up with my insanity!) and I charted my temps. Before the loss not many people knew we were trying, after we had an entire team praying and believing with us for this promise. We clung to scripture and had them posted where we could see them at home. The Lord spoke to us through these verses and many more. 2 Corinthians 1:20, Proverbs 3:5-6, Hebrews 10:35-36 and Hebrews 10:23. Prayer was vital to keep faith up and doubts down. I wasn't always the best at it, but I had a support team like none other. It seemed like every time I lost faith the Lord would lead me to another verse, another person with a faith story, or I would hear something in a sermon that felt like was just for me. I received cards and emails from people encouraging me in this time of waiting. Close friends had dreams about our promised baby and encouragement was all around. This time of waiting brought me closer to the women in my life that God had called to be apart of all this. And more importantly to my husband and our Lord.

I have been in a class at church called, Home Life Practicum. I have been so blessed by the teaching in this class and the women I have met and the leadership I have come under. During one of our small group times a friend, Laura, shared a testimony of some things the Lord had been showing her through a time of fasting. She reminded us of the lesson in Genesis of how Jacob wrestled with the Angel of the Lord until the Lord blessed Him. He went away from that experience with a limp because the Lord touched him. I was really moved by what Laura was sharing and her challenge to us was, "What has the Lord promised you that you are wrestling for? Don't give up until you get what is yours". It wasn't a matter of me saying, "Lord, Give me what I want", it was, "Lord I will wrestle until I receive my blessing". I took this to the Lord and felt that He was calling me and Al to a media fast during our time together in the evenings. I hate to admit this, but I looked at this time as preparation for my heart for the ending of another cycle. Little did I know the Lord's plan was to end this time of fasting with His touch and we walked away more changed that I could have imagined. It wasn't a limp, but it will turn into a waddle! I am so excited for the name change Al and I are recieving this year along with our fulfilled promise.

Last Friday morning during my devotions I read 2 verses that jumped off the page at me, Luke 1:37, Nothing is impossible with God and Luke 1:45, Blessed is she who has believed that what the Lord has said to her will be accomplished!"
As I drove home from work for lunch that day, I began to pray that the Lord would direct my thoughts. All morning I had been so focused on my possible upcoming period, how good my temps looked and I just couldn't focus. I had emailed back and forth with Carina, Jeannie and Trish and got some of that support I was talking about. They each reminded me my focus needed to be on the Lord. That drive as I prayed I saw a picture of a rainbow. I looked up in the sky to see if there was an actual rainbow (I love rainbows and what they represent to the Lord, that He will remember his promise, Gen. 9:16). The sky was clearing after a rainstorm, but there was no rainbow in the sky. I thought, "Well maybe that wasn't from you God". I felt the Lord respond with, "The rainbow is the promise of your baby, I remember". I decided that was a good reason to do a pregnancy test! Al was asleep, (he still works nights), so I quietly went in the bathroom and did what had to be done. I looked at the test and saw a negative, but the test said to wait 2 minutes for results. I took the test with me to the kitchen and set it down on the counter. A few moments later I looked and there was a VERY faint positive. So faint I wasn't sure if I was imagining it or not. It seemed to get darker and I began to shake. Still unconvinced I woke up poor Al from a deep sleep to say, "Um, babe… I need you to look at something. I think I have a + pregnancy test, but I don't know" He had to take the test from my hand in order to see it clearly as I was shaking so badly. He saw it too! I promised to let him sleep and I would go buy another brand and try another test. After 3 tests and 3 people besides me confriming they too saw the lines I still wasn't sure. I would go from overjoyed to doubt. To take my mind off of things I decided to listen to a podcast from the previous weeks sermon. I was fretting and doubting and when I hit play, Pastor Dale literally yelled in my ear to choose a faith perspective and not a fear perspective. I knew it was up to me what I was going to allow in my heart. By the end of the day I had so much peace and I just knew it was finally my time. I tested AGAIN the next morning and I got my dark positive. I was still reluctant to share our news out of fear of what might happen. With each person we told my faith increased and I was able to share more of a testimony of what the Lord had done for us.

We are so excited and so peaceful. I can't say that I "feel" the baby, but its like I feel that presence there. I know our baby is in the Lord's hands and all that happens in the next 9 months I leave there. I have no desire to take control or take credit for any of this. Each evening Al lays hands on my belly and we pray for a perfect pregnancy and a perfect baby. With every person we tell its opportunity to share all the Lord has done for us in the last 2 years. Over this time we have cried tears of joy, frustration and grief, but in the end I know that God has seen each of those tears and He has made us stronger in Him.

I promise not all of my posts will be this long, but I thought it was important to share with those we love.