Today

I have a spot on today's date on my calendar that is whited out. Not that I expected to forget, but I also didn't want the constant reminder of what November 19th, 2008 was to be. Today was to be our due date. I expected today to be hard and it is, but it is also peaceful. I grieve today that I am not holding a new born, complaining that I am ready for a baby to come out or being told to push. Only God knows why that is not where we are today, but that is ok. I realize I don't have to let today go unnoticed. God gave us this due date for a purpose. So today we grieve, but we also celebrate what is to come. Our first baby's due date came and went last April 21st. That day I cried a little, but I also rejoiced, because I was pregnant again. Today is a bit different, but God is the same today as He was then and I can rest in the fact that He made a promise. He has bound Himself with an oath so that we, Al & Martha, who have received the promise can be perfectly sure that He would never change His mind. (Hebrews 6:17)

We had an incredible weekend in Gatlinburg. It was cold and rainy the first day, but it snowed on Sunday! It was such a fun weekend. Just as we drove into town I looked in my rearview mirror and there was a huge rainbow covering the sky. I took a few pictures from the car and Al pulled over so I could take a couple more. It was beautiful. When I uploaded them to my computer I realized it was a double rainbow! So incredible. God is awesome and His creation is unfathomable. We turned off that road and headed a new direction, looked again and there was another rainbow. Thank you Lord for your reminders in your beautiful creation.

I am still training for the 5k which is now just a week away! I am up to running 3 miles straight! Praise the Lord! Last Friday night when Al & I headed out to run I told him I wanted to push myself harder and do distance rather than time. I had really only been running in 7 minute intervals (3 miles of walking and running combos), so I thought I would be doing well to run a full mile. Well, we hit the one mile mark and I told him I could keep going. We ran 2.2 and then I took about a half block breather and went again for another mile plus some! Praise the Lord! I was so excited and Al was proud (he can do much more than 3 miles at a time). After cooling down I was walking around the house praying and thanking the Lord for getting me to this point. I realized that by me choosing to run a distance and not time, I went further. Just as I had that thought I felt the Holy Spirit say to me, Just as with your promise. If you focus on the time its hard and long. Look at the finish line and Jeremiah will be here sooner and this race will be finished well. So, as I run I am continuing to run as unto the Lord. I want to finish this race well both physically and spiritually. I shared that with Al and he encouraged me with this scripture:
Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.

Here is a picture of the rainbow from the weekend.

I tend to have crazy dreams...

Today Jeannie and I were talking about how email has become a type of journaling for us. We save the good ones with fun stories, dreams and devotions that we want to remember. This is the case with a dream I had October 27, 2007. I had forgotten so much of it, but went back into my email and read it and cracked up again at how crazy my dreams can be. In case you weren't one who read it the first time I have posted it here for your reading enjoyment... 

My dream started I was standing in the kitchen and I was pregnant the
clock said 5am. All the sudden my water breaks and I call for Al who
runs in just as my first, (yes, 1st) baby falls out of me. He caught
the baby and wrapped it up just in time to catch the 2nd, 3rd, 4th and
5th baby. Yes, standing in my kitchen I birthed a set of quints. It
was bizarre b/c we didn't know we were having quints and I kept
thinking, that was so easy, what is the big deal? I felt great
immediately afterward, so much so I was in shock and not sure that it
really happened. Al put all the babies in the nursery, but there
wasn't room for all 5 of them so he just laid them where he could find
a flat surface. We then went to the living room to start the naming
process. We had 2 boys and 3 girls. We could NOT agree on 10 names, in
5 combinations. All this time the babies are sleeping and I didn't
even think to feed them or get them checked out at the hospital. We
decided we would get some lunch because by this time we were hungry.
We were eating burritos that we very messy and I remembered I should
call some of you and let you know we had babies. Anyway, I called and
ALL these people showed up including a bunch of people I know, but
didn't really know. Like Racheal Edwards family. It was mass chaos.
Michael Sweet (lead singer of Stryper) was there in the swimming pool
(which was in the living room). Finally I remembered these babies and
decided I should try to feed them. I took the first boy who I THINK we
decided to name Tres (AEP III), and fed him. He was a good eater I
remember thinking that, so I ate some more burrito so there would be
enough for the other 4 babies and in the process I got cheese from my
burrito all over him. I laid him back in the bed and tried to wipe the
cheese off him, but it wouldn't come off so I decided to leave it so
Jeannie could come and give him a bath (Jeannie LOVES cheese dip!) but
when she got there she was more concerned about the mess everyone was
making and she went into hostess mode and started cleaning up and
feeding all these strangers in my house. Then Cindy Wagner came and I
was so relieved b/c I needed help and my mom and sister were still on
their way here. Cindy advised that I should feed the rest of the
babies (I had forgotten about them being there) and then head to the
hospital to get us all checked out. Suddenly we were at the hospital
and my doctor was there, he was so impressed with how well I was doing
I didn't have to stay and the babies were all great but very big for
having all been in my belly (which was remarkably flat and in great
shape!). So all this made me wonder if they were really mine. Al
assured me that he was there and they had all come from me. The Dr.
recommended we call the Today Show. He thought we had a good story but
I told him I didn't want to be on TV until they all had names. He
called for us and so we had to hurry up and name them all and get
ready for TV the next day. Thankfully Jeannie was still cleaning my
house and Racheal had shown up to kick her family out. Micheal Sweet
was still in the pool but I decided that since Al was such a fan it
would be ok, but I did refuse to name one of the babies after him and
told Al he could call one of the girls "Sweetie" in honor of the
singer in our pool. At the end I suddenly remembered that Becky used
to play with some dolls called Quints and there was a fun song on the
commercial so I starter singing that to the babies and Michael Sweet
commented on my good singing. (HA HA HA!!!!) "Quints, quints 5 times
the fun, I love taking care of every one!" So then I woke up and you
can quess what song has been in my head all day. :)

Registration & Reminders

Its official! I am registered for the Turkey Day race! I am looking forward to crossing this milestone (or 3 milestone, ha ha). It will be such a fun thing to do with Becky, Dad, Jeans and Al! We will make quite a team. Anybody want to join us!? Its in Cool Springs on Thanksgiving Day. If you don't want to run, you can join our cheerleaders at the finish line.

Below is some scripture I am meditating on right now. In our daily bible reading we are in Hebrews. I love the book of Hebrews and it seems each time I read it, the truth jumps off the page at me. I love the way it is full of reminders of who God is. He is a promise keeper, He is unwavering and He is loving and cares about us. I put italics on a few of the key points that I have underlined in my journal right now. He is faithful to keep His promises! Whatever promise God has spoken to you, He will fulfill them. Get under & remain under His hand of protection and covering and choose to walk things out His way. Abide in Him. Allow His words to penetrate your heart. He will fulfill His promises and that is truth, He doesn't lie and He doesn't forget. =) What a relief! ha ha ha

Hebrews 6:13-20
13 For example, there was God’s promise to Abraham. Since there was no one greater to swear by, God took an oath in his own name, saying:
14 “I will certainly bless you,
and I will multiply your descendants beyond number.”[a]

15 Then Abraham waited patiently, and he received what God had promised.

16 Now when people take an oath, they call on someone greater than themselves to hold them to it. And without any question that oath is binding. 17 God also bound himself with an oath, so that those who received the promise could be perfectly sure that he would never change his mind. 18 So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie. Therefore, we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. 19 This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary. 20 Jesus has already gone in there for us. He has become our eternal High Priest in the order of Melchizedek.

The Race

The reminders are everywhere, God has not forgotten me and He has not forgotten His promises. This has been a sweet weekend and those reminders keep coming via scripture, other people and His voice. I know our promise is coming and we are in the midst of the writing of God's story for us. I seem to find myself reading an encouraging note, email & blog everywhere I turn. Each time I open the word for my time with God, He whispers through a verse reminding me of our promise. Jeremiah is coming. We know this, we claim it and we cling to the hope of God. One of the most recent is,
Psalm 126:5-6 Those who plant in tears will harvest with shouts of joy.
They weep as they go to plant their seed, but they sing as they return with harvest.

I am running a 5K. Never thought I would say that, but I am. Its only 3 miles and to many that may seem like nothing, but right now it feels like God has asked me to run to Chicago. Ok, maybe not that much, but it feels far. Very far. I started to get the bug when Jeannie and Robyn trained and conquered the 1/2 Marathon. I really started to feel like the Lord was calling me to my own run. I joked about it, but it was really on my heart. I prayed about it and found out about a race on Thanksgiving Day. I just felt the assurance that this was my race. So... My sister, Becky and I have both determined to run this, our first race since elementary school, together. That makes it all the more exciting. Jeannie is running with us to cheer us on and my dad and Al are going to run as well. Running with others is always more fun! I am actually excited about the race itself, but the training is not so fun. I had really hoped that I would be pregnant and have to say, "Oh, sorry! Can't run the 5K!" But alas, God has called me to this and I feel like it is something I am to do as worship to Him. This is part of my story and I don't want to leave a page out that He has written for us. I will keep you posted on my progress. The good, the bad and the ugly.

Last night my friends gave me a birthday party. Thank you ladies! I loved it. We had a bonfire, carmel apples, popcorn balls & an outdoor movie. An old favorite cheesy 80's movie, Always. It was so much fun. Al and I feel so blessed by the relationships we have. God has truly surrounded us with men and women of a different spirit.

Rainbows

In my first post on this blog I announced that we were pregnant. But in that announcement I had written about the picture the Lord had given me. It was a rainbow and while I didn't see one in the physical, the spiritual significance was great. Al and I have a silly picture that I drew of a rainbow on our bathroom mirror. Over it we have written, Hebrews 10:23. In the cloud of it I wrote, Jeremiah 1:5. Over the past months we have clung to that reminder that our baby is the rainbow, a covenant that God has made that He does keep His promises.

Yesterday I was on the phone with my sister-in-law, Angela. She said there was a rainbow in the sky and it seemed so random because the skies were clear, there was no rain, just sunny blue skies. This morning she sent me this email:

I just wanted you to know that the rainbow I saw last night was yours!! I knew that when I saw it while on the phone with you but it was confirmed to by Christy. She is my so to speak “prayer partner.” We share each others burdens & blessings so as soon as I hung up with you I called her but she didn’t answer so I brushed it off. She called me back 30 minutes later & I told her that it was so cool that I saw a rainbow when I was talking with you on the phone. (she read your blog) She said “What time?!” I told her around 5:30-35. she said “oh my goodness Ang, I was driving down 151st toward 75 & looked up & saw the exact same rainbow & immediately thought of Martha & Al & prayed for them & thanked God for His promises for their baby!” I just wanted to remind you that God is faithful to His promises!

I forwarded the email to my sister Becky and she replied back that she had also seen the rainbow! God is so incredible. **Edited** My Dad saw the rainbow too

Today I go to the doctor to talk about our options for fertility. I am clinging to the covenant that God has made. We have a baby and he is coming.

Well I haven't posted in ages, but this week I have had a couple of different people ask me to update so here we go... This of course is nowhere near everything, but one thing is true no matter what I type or what I leave out, God has been in all of this. We are healing and while there are times it is hard for both Al and me to see pregnant women or babies and wonder why in the world it is not us, we do not feel forgotten. The Lord has been so faithful to speak to us during this time of waiting and learning. I feel like we have done lots of both. Sometimes I wonder why God didn't just ask me to read a really long book to learn all of this, but instead He has asked us to walk it all out. =) When we lost our "March" baby in May I heard the Lord say, there's another chapter. It was so not what I wanted to hear at that moment. I wanted my happy ending right then, but I know that is not how it works. If God has more refining to do in us, let it be. He knows what is best and we am submitted to that plan.

We are surrounded by family and friends who are committed to hold fast with us. Our hope is in the Lord and so we trust Him for His perfect plan. Up until about a month ago I had not felt that we were supposed to pursue any fertility testing outside of what we had done, but after lots of prayer and counsel we have determined to go forward with that. Not sure what it looks like yet, but I have a doctor's appointment coming up where we will discuss our options. I am still sorta in the dark as to what that will be, but I am ready to be educated and go forward.

This journey has not always been easy, it has not been without lots and lots of tears, but it has grown us. Our marriage is stronger, our faith is bigger and our relationship with the Lord is better than it has ever been. I know He has more for us, so we will continue to press into Him for that. If I tried to list every word He has spoken through His word, through the church, friends or in our prayer time, it would take me ages, but the main thing is, the Lord has promised us a baby, we feel that this first baby is to come from my womb, the Lord has told us we will have a boy and God has spoken the name Jeremiah to us for that boy.

The verses that I am meditating on today are, Isaiah 49:14-16
14 Yet Jerusalem says, “The Lord has deserted us;
the Lord has forgotten us.”
15 “Never! Can a mother forget her nursing child?
Can she feel no love for the child she has borne?
But even if that were possible,
I would not forget you!
16 See, I have written your name on the palms of my hands.
Always in my mind is a picture of Jerusalem’s walls in ruins.

The Lord reminded me of this verse yesterday during worship. My name, Al's name and Jeremiah's name are all written on His hand. Jesus is interceding on our behalf and it doesn't get any better than that.

Thank you for all your prayers and love, I can't wait for the day to have our promise fulfilled and for each of you to meet him. Want to know more specifics on our story or the words spoken to us? Just ask me, I love sharing our testimony.

Thank you for all your support, love and prayers over the last few days. We don't know why we lost our baby, but we know God keeps his promises. Our hearts are broken over our loss, but we know the future holds our promise.
Martha and Al